We are, by nature’s design, prone to distort events toward the negative; there is no corresponding inherited tendency to think optimistically.  The earliest function of conscious awareness (consciousness), in animals and humans, is to protect us from danger, to survive by anticipating what we lack and any source of harm.  Our primitive innate consciousness has programmed us from birth to seek what we need and to avoid what is dangerous. This has been identified as our inherited “fight or flight” response.

  The concerns of early thoughts are generally physical such as food, warmth, and other biologic needs that provide for our life and safety.  These innate patterns for self-preservation direct us to focus on “the empty part of the glass” and tend towards worry because it has survival value.  We preoccupy ourselves with the aggressors that may cause harm.  We are prone to get stuck in such negative thinking.  Animals are not known for laughter, and I have read that primitive humankind did not laugh at all.  In evolution, humor is a relatively recent human invention that many contemporaries scarcely engage in.  Ditto for “optimism.”  How often have you heard someone say “I’ve spent the night worrying” (anticipating the worst) as compared to “I spent the night optimizing” (anticipating the best)?   

  In addition, and perhaps of greater importance, the means we are taught to be “civilized” and curb physical aggression (“you shouldn’t fight”) is to become mentally aggressive.  We acquire skill in blaming, dominating, winning, being “right,” competing, wanting, and surviving using mental means.  We are expected to “succeed” at a high level.  When we don’t meet the expectations of “others,” be as good or nice as we “should,” we quite skillfully verbally attack ourselves.  This human invention is called “guilt.”  We demean and criticize ourselves.  In my observation, we commonly become “our own worst enemy.”  We attack ourselves with words and thoughts, make ourselves depressed, and may even physically attack ourselves.  In the extreme, we call this “murdering oneself” or suicide.  We engage in self-putdowns like no other creature.  Perfectionists tend to make themselves especially miserable while most develop advanced skills in self-blame.  The expected and observed outcome is anxiety, worry, depression, apathy, and related attributes of a difficult life experience.    

  For these reasons, we are wise to teach our self the skill of calling forth both positive thinking and positive feelings.  This easy to learn mental skill is called “Self-endorsement.”  The highest level of our adult brain (the cortex) is sufficiently complex and sophisticated that we can attain a level of joy and well-being not available to other creatures.  Rather than remaining dominated by our innate, automatic pessimism, and the acquired thinking patterns of blaming others and ourselves, we are capable of developing our own personal, creative, problem-solving patterns.  Through human creativity, most persons reading this stren (you included) have already gone beyond attending to their (your) immediate physical needs.

  Mature human consciousness is not dominated by the survival needs of the physical self.  Rather than being limited to focusing on the immediate moment, we may scan time, past/present/future, and deal with reality through mental rehearsal (thinking).

  Our human consciousness may readily be taught to recognize past positive accomplishments, present achievements and acquisitions, and goals yet to come, so that we may generate appreciation and positive feelings now.    The ability to keep the positive in focus and not to simply dwell on the negative, on what is missing in our life, is a basic skill for maintaining positive feelings.  To make misery, simply dwell on what you have lost, don’t have now, or may not get.  Teach your self to focus on what you have achieved, have now, and can yet accomplish.  Wow!  That is the wise choice available to each of us.

  Self-endorsement is the process by which we can teach ourself to become our own best friend and remove the natural distortion created by a primitive consciousness, whose function is primarily designed to focus on what is missing.  Our primitive thinking has limited capacity to dwell on what we’ve accomplished, what we have now, or what we can attain in the future.  Self-appreciation, gratitude, and love are skills we hopefully have been fortunate enough to have been taught by our nurturers.  More productively, we may now teach our self.

  In sum, worry and negative anticipation are strongly biologic.  To what nature provides, we soon acquire skill in habitually directing aggression inward, in blaming and demeaning ourselves.  Self-endorsement will remain in its natural feeble state until we nourish it to dominance.  The conversation we engage in within, too often, is our major source of unhappiness. The characters that carry on a dialogue within our thoughts and thinking will remain poor lifetime traveling companions unless we develop the skill of self-endorsement.  Our effort is one of the best investments we can make.   We can develop both intellectual (knowing) endorsement and emotional (feeling) endorsement skills.  Together, they work great. 

There are many ways to grow your skill in self-endorsement, to become our own best friend:

  Make a list of all the important positives you have.  Review your positives regularly so that you can easily call them to your awareness.  Whenever you identify a new positive, add it to the list; make it grow!  Remind these positives to your self frequently throughout the day, especially when you think of your favorite putdowns and/or worries, and until habit effortlessly replaces your no-longer-needed written list.   Watch out for “yes buts.”  Use this example of positives offered by one person who made it work:

I have life.

I have the capacity to think, to teach myself, to grow, to fulfill myself.

I have the ability to smile, laugh, and feel good and inflation doesn’t raise the price of a laugh.

I recognize others who have far less health, wealth, or opportunity than I, yet they seem genuinely to enjoy themselves, and living.  That others can, I know there is a way!!!

I have the capacity to engage regularly in interesting dialogue with myself and with others.

I have reasonable security from physical harm.

I live at a time and place in the world where I have better than ever opportunities for personal freedom, health, education, travel, work, and physical comforts.

Important parts of me work well: my ability to learn, my vital organs, and most everything else.

I have people in my life who love me or would help me. These people include my wife, my children, family, my family of friends, and a number of people I can develop as support people.

I have people in my life that can enjoy what I have to offer - family, friends, and humanity. 

Even if I reach a place in my life where I don’t know anyone, there are fellow humans who are more than willing to help (clergy, professional counselors, or lay persons who are self-sufficient or supported by the community).  My government is available to offer me care if I need it and when I ask for it. 

I possess the skill of reading, writing, talking, and I could go on quite a bit here.

I have work skills such as conscientiousness, expressiveness, formal education, and I could add many more here.  I am capable of teaching myself new skills, and there are vast human and material resources available to me, free for the taking.

I have made the following accomplishment: I like myself, have good friends, have developed adaptation skills, and I can add many more.

Positive qualities others have told me about myself include warmth, patience, empathy, an interest in people, and a number of others I could identify.

Positive qualities I have include the willingness to work, to love, to laugh at my mistakes, and many other qualities I could identify.

What I lack that is really important, including becoming a good friend to myself, I can attain.

  The Bookshelf: In your mind, create a bookshelf loaded with books.  In distinct print, put a label on as many books as you can, identifying some experience, topic, interest, fantasy, event, etc. that you like to think about.  Some of these examples may get you started:  My Favorite Person; Music I like; My Collection of Fun Times; Funny Stories; When I Win the Lottery; What I Believe (religious or otherwise); My Ideal Romantic Experience; The Perfect Beauty Appointment; Great Athletes; My Next Great Meal; Jobs I’d Enjoy; Great Sexual Pleasure; What Do I Want in Life?; Work I Enjoy Doing; Books That Got Me To Think; Where I’m Happiest; Dreams to Have Tonight; Hobbies That Interest Me; Good Things in Retirement, and so on.  Keep your mental bookshelf in your mind’s eye.  Try to keep your book titles in sight.  When you become aware you are dwelling on negative talk with your self, first give your self a pat on the back for recognizing the old patter.  Then, pull one of your books off the shelf and get as thoroughly involved as you can.  If you’re like most, you’ll find it gets easier with practice.
 
Challenging negative distortions:

  Now comes the practical application of your resources to teach your self to challenge your negatives and to experience feeling better and doing better in your life through self-endorsement
When people engage in negative thinking, they often totally overlook the greater number of positives in their lives.  This creates a distortion.  Most people distort habitually.  Your written list of positives can serve as your resource to balance your negative thinking.

  For daily practice: Write out some of your biggest negatives and current worries on paper to keep near your list of positives.  Every time you spot a negative idea about your self, balance it with positives.  With regular practice, this will become habitual and so automatic that it will require little effort.  Once you start to realize the power and control you have over your feelings, you will find that you will practice tuning in to the positives even more frequently.  You will develop your “thought control” muscles for feeling well in addition to doing well, and you will create increasingly growing fulfillment in your life.   It’s great to have your self as your best friend.

  The Tape Recording: You have the ability to listen in on the conversation you carry on with your self.  Imagine you tape record this conversation several times throughout the day.  When you play it back, how would you describe the dialogue?  Does it sound like two good friends speaking with one another?  Is there interesting dialogue?  Can you detect enthusiasm?   Or are there significant periods of criticisms, boredom, worry, blaming, self-pitying, and so on? Why not strive to change the quality of that internal conversation so that your taped segments become increasingly positive?  Do it!  Your efforts can make it work.    
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  Are you familiar with the stren “Emotional self-endorsement”?  Familiarize yourself with that stren and the many related strens that can make a significant difference in your well-being.