The Mental Response Control Panel (MRCP)

You have but eight (8) mental choices available to you to respond to any situation that you have to deal with.  Most of these choices will not get you what you want in the long term; most will get you what you don’t want.  By labeling and recognizing these eight response patterns, you can make a difference by favoring the constructive responses and weakening the negative ones. 

I have arbitrarily labeled the mental response choices available to us as follows:

1. Blaming-out
2. Blaming-in
3. Avoidance
4. Problem-solving
5. Self-endorsement
6. Helplessness/Hopelessness
7. Worry
8. The Mind/Body response

This stren will show you how to recognize these responses.  Once you can “spot” them, you can make the substitutions that convert the harmful patterns to helpful ones.  The problem-solving and self-endorsement patterns are consistently beneficial; the other six, with few exceptions, are the source of most unhappiness.  Recall the basic wisdom of two great philosophers! “Happiness is a state of mind”… Peanuts (contemporary cartoon character); and “Men feel disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them.” … Epictetus (1st century Greek).  I recognize, as do you, that many individuals have wealth, status, good looks, connections, and health, yet are quite miserable.  We see others lacking these assets; yet they face their life situation with enthusiasm and joy because of their mental attitude.  I am not suggesting it is better to be without material assets.  Given the choice, better to be (and strive to be) “a have” than a “have not”.  However, these assets do not replace the mind control you are capable of attaining that is the most significant contributor to your well-being.    

Learning starts with labeling!  Labels are the “handles” that allow us to direct our thinking and apply our will power to make preferred change.  Some words are symbols for concepts.  Concepts are mental motion pictures that serve our mind to problem solve.  Labels that create accurate understanding are often all that we require to energize constructive management of an issue.  I have chosen the eight  labels above to reasonably include each of the mental choices available to us.  Each response pattern is worthy of considerable attention.  Thus, I suggest you review all eight and then consider each as an individual stren to be studied, understood, and applied over time.  With practice, you will be able to integrate them into your overall “mind control” with little effort.  Using the simple formulas that identify the common responses can bring dramatic results.  

Perhaps the most common mental response choices are the “primitive responses.”  These consist of blaming-out, blaming-in, and avoidance.  They are considered primitive because they arise from our inherited biological automatic “fight or flight” instinct.  The remaining mental response choices rely more on our ability to think, on the more recent to develop cortex of the central nervous system. 

The two (2) Blaming Responses   Animals and primitive humans, past and present, primarily deal with danger by physical means, fight or flight.  In contemporary civilization, beating on another and/or running away are frowned upon.  They usually don’t get us what we want and often lead to negative consequences. 

Our nurturers and societal rules teach us relatively early in our lives to convert our fight energy into symbolic means of aggression.  Blaming-out, i.e. blaming others, includes resentment, shunning, prejudice, labeling others “bad,” “wrong,” “inferior,” and so on, “winning” in competition, domination via status, wealth, social, economic, and/or religious “superiority.”  Blaming-in is also acquired from our nurture, a modification of instinct seen almost exclusively in humans.  We soon learn to redirect our aggressive fight response inward.  Blaming-in includes such expressions as guilt, putdowns, self-blame, “beating on oneself,” and in the extreme, suicide - “murdering oneself.”  Aggression directed inward is a common cause of depression.  In this sense, we become our own worst enemy! 

Here are some reasons why blaming is not productive:

1. It wastes valuable energy that could be directed to constructive outcomes.
2. It commonly leads to punishment more so than learning to correct the problem.
3. The assumption of “the culprit” being wrong or “bad” is often unfounded.
4. The “blamer” commonly experiences unpleasantness such as tension, resentment, bodily distress, and is subject to the many physical symptoms that result from prolonged stress. 
5. Most important, it commonly leads to a similar response from the blamed, retaliation, increasing levels of destructive energy, physical and/or symbolic harm to all parties, and sometimes all-out war.  We call this tit-for-tat “escalation.”

The two blaming responses are among the easiest to recognize and change.  Here is the formula to learn:

1. Blaming-out: 
He (she/they/it) did what he should not and therefore he deserves punishment.
He (she/they/it) did not do what he should have done and therefore deserves punishment. 

2. Blaming-in:
I did what I should not have done and therefore I deserve punishment.
I did not do what I should have done and therefore I deserve punishment.

Secondary blaming is a common variation of blaming-in.  It is “blaming your self for blaming your self.”  We tend to have unrealistic expectations of our ability to do what we know.  Once we learn that blaming-in is to be avoided, we invariably find we continue to repeat the old habit pattern of putting our self down.  Thereupon, we are likely to utter, “I did it again!  I should have learned that by now!  I’m so stupid, blaming myself again.”

To diminish your blaming mental responses, first learn to recognize when you are “shoulding” on others or your self.  Look for the prescribing words, viz. should, have to, must, ought.  Enthusiastically endorse your self for spotting the blaming response in your thinking.  Remind your self that you are now in a position to take constructive action to better your response.  Substitute descriptive words such as could, prefer, would like.  Substitute personal responsibility, “I allow …” rather than “he/she/they/it makes me.”  Apply the problem-solving mental response pattern.  Periodically review the strens: Blaming, Blaming MRP, and Secondary Blaming.

3. Avoidance:  This is the flight part of our inherited fight/flight response.  It directs us to run from harm.  In animals, it is a favored means of survival.  In our (relatively) civilized society, physically running away is seldom effective.  First, modern technology makes it easy to find people.  Second, physical life-threatening stress is uncommon whereas most persons regularly face symbolic danger and psychological stress.  Thus, we learn substitute ways to “run away.”  [Running away to escape a mugger is better considered problem-solving more so than avoidance.]             

Our mind works in many ways to avoid discomfort and/or preserve short-term pleasure at the cost of a longer-term harmful outcome.  Present feelings are often more powerful than objective reason.  The Avoidance mental response pattern is discouraged because the longer-term (and sometimes the shorter-term) outcome no longer works.  Here are some readily observed avoidance patterns substituted for physically running:
            procrastination: finding another activity to escape an unpleasant task
            “socially running”: changing jobs, spouses, friends, residences, and so on
            substance abuse such as alcohol/drugs/food
            telling lies – “It was my brother.”
            withdrawal – isolating oneself physically and/or emotionally
            self-deception: the mind is so effective, deception is accepted as truth
                        Denial - “I can stop drinking whenever I choose.”
                        Rationalization – “The train usually makes me late.”  “I can’t help it
                            because my biorhythms are off.”
                        Paranoia – projecting our uncomfortable ideas/feelings on another
                            They don’t like me because I have pimples.”
                        Substitution/displacement – Angry with his boss, he kicks the dog.
                        Regression – We revert to an inappropriate pattern that previously worked
                            A four year old wets himself when a new sibling gets more attention. 
                        Physical and/or psychological “illness” – Feigned or exaggerated physical
                        and/or mental illness may excuse one from facing a stressful reality.  Becoming
                        Napoleon or some powerful person is more satisfying than being “a nobody.” 

Consideration of the various mental means of self-deception are planned to be added to the Guide at a future time.  They will automatically diminish upon practice of ANWOT.

            The behavioral expressions of the avoidance response, such as substance abuse and procrastination, are easily spotted.  Patterns involving mental self-deception are among the most difficult because the individual believes his distorted thinking.  Therefore, he lacks motivation and/or resists giving up his avoidance “defense” against discomfort.  Additional interventions are required, such as love and support from others, social pressure, and/or psychological and/or religious counseling.  Focusing on the positive mental responses, problem-solving and self-endorsement, often brings about the desired change without even having to directly challenge the avoidance mental response pattern.  The negative responses tend to “melt away” as the proble-solving and self-endorsement MRP’s are more regularly practiced.  In addition, developing the positive responses often motivates the individual to directly attack their negative patterns.

4. Problem-solving:  The most universal and effective mental resource to wisely manage our life’s experience is what I call the “magical sentence” or “magical question.”  Given this situation, what is most likely to get me what I want, for now and in the future, for my benefit and theirs?  While not “magic,” this simple, elegant, easy to learn sentence is so effective, it works like magic.  Notice, no one, no “something” is being blamed.  Energy is directed to resolving and/or making the best deal with the challenging issue.  With repetition, this response will become habitual and virtually automatic.  It will gradually displace the negative MRP’s (from disuse) even if you don’t directly challenge those older patterns that no longer get you what you want.  The use of the language of the newer way of thinking (ANWOT) and the strens provided in The Practical Persons Guide will strengthen your mental problem-solving skill.

5. Self-endorsement: Endorsement means to approve and/or support.  This “becoming your own best friend” mental skill, though vital, is one of the most neglected.  Helpless at birth, we depend on others for many years.  Most learn to provide for their own physical needs and would be offended if some “other” tried to attend to their feeding, dressing, bowel care and so on.  Yet, I observe that those adults who regularly provide their minimum daily requirement (MDR) of self-endorsement are in the minority.  Do you know many “love junkies” who remain dependent on others’ approval for much of their self-worth?  Who are overly sensitive to what others think?  Approval is the major source of the mental energy that powers our mind.  It is the basis of what we call “will power.”

            Unlike blaming that we express quite instinctively and effortlessly, we learn self-endorsement through willful mental action.  With the intensification of approval, we generate higher levels of energy as follows: 

approval → endorsement → enthusiasm → love

Love is an intense affectionate concern and enthusiasm for a person and/or something.  Self-endorsement is so critical because the ability to love another grows from our skill in loving our self.  How do you understand “Love your neighbor as yourself”?  Love is not to be confused with sex.  Our sexual organs contain receptors that receive and relay messages, usually pleasurable, to older areas of the brain.  The brain’s pleasure area is closely related to the area that deals with aggression.  Love is a willfully created and expressed activity of our latest to evolve portion of our brain, the cortex.  Love and sex may go well together but they can also be quite unrelated.

            Here is an easy way to evaluate if you are providing your MDR of endorsement.  Imagine you could tape your thinking, the conversation in your head that you have with your self.  Replay segments of it.  Does what you hear sound as though it was a conversation between two or more best friends?  No putdowns/blaming?  How much endorsement, support, warmth, friendliness, problem-solving, and/or good feelings are expressed?  How often do you hear, “I like what I did,” “Good job,” “I’m such a hot sketch,” and sustained enthusiasm for your life’s experience?

Secondary endorsement is an important special expression of self-endorsement.  Since endorsement is one of our most important mental acts, we wisely reinforce the skill of self-endorsement by endorsing our self for endorsing our self.  “Attaboy! (Attagirl!)  Congratulations to me for remembering to endorse myself.” 

            How can we endorse our self when we make a mistake, when we’ve used poor judgment, when “we’ve done wrong”?  Simple!  Keep in mind that the most useful way to manage a mistake is to learn from it.  We already experience harm as a consequence of our error and/or misfortune.  Why add to our hurt unnecessarily by blaming our self with various forms of putdowns?  By acknowledging our shortcoming and applying the problem-solving MRP, we apply our energy to best deal with similar situations now and/or in the future.  Blaming gets us nowhere and punishment predictably makes things worse.  Stamp out blaming!  Consistently endorse your self for recognizing and dealing with your shortcomings.  I have found it helpful to recall how we learn to walk.  We fall many times as we teach our self the skill of walking.  As a child, we simply ask, “Did I lean too far to this or that side?  What can I do to correct it?”  We often show more wisdom as a child than as an adult.  What causes us to become “blamer-inners?”
            Among the strens in the Guide that deal with the self-endorsement MRP are, Your love-making factory; Self-endorsement; Emotional self-endorsement; MDR; Curing resentment; How not to make mistakes; and (The) Reasonable best.   

6. Hopelessness/helplessness:  This “I give up” response is our most devastating because it shuts down our energy factory.  It is often associated with the blaming-in MRP where it may lead to depression and significant self-harm.  “Why bother,” “What’s the use,” and similar utterances make it easy to spot.  Here especially, “an ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure.”  Prepare yourself in advance to vigorously and aggressively attack any utterance of the H/H response.  Nip it early in the bud.  Prepare to substitute, “It may be damn difficult, but I can do my reasonable best!”  As you develop skills in the newer manner of thinking and increase your problem-solving and self-endorsement skills, the H/H response will weaken and disappear.      

7. The Worry response:  Anxiety attacks and phobias are common expressions of the worry MRP.  Once you learn the formula, it is easy to recognize:  We tend to “What if.”  We anticipate and think of the worst unlikely outcomes of a situation.  Examples:  What if … the airplane engine fails … the elevator breaks down … they can’t stand my pimples.  The anxiety escalates as physical “emergency response” changes occur, muscle tightness, increased heart rate, irregular breathing:  “Oh my God, my heart is racing; am I having a heart attack?  I can’t stand it.”  Learn to recognize the “What if” and substitute “most likely.”  “Most likely … the airplane engines will get me where I want to go … I haven’t heard of anyone being permanently stuck or starving in an elevator … others are more concerned about their own appearance than dwelling on my pimples.”  Every time you “What if,” give at least equal time … think also of the very best most positive happy outcomes of a situation, even if they are as unlikely as the negative “what if’s” you create.  Smile and enjoy the positive “what if’s.”  Various techniques of gradually facing the feared situation, often with some support, are very effective.  So is relaxation training.           

8. The Mind/Body response:  The manner we think has profound influence on the way we feel and the way we act.  Thinking, feelings, and actions are interconnected.  This is the very reason why the newer manner of thinking is our opportunity to become director and producer of our life’s experience.   It is also the reason why “stinking thinking” is the source of most of our life’s unhappiness.

            Consider just a few of the endless list of mind/body responses: skin … rashes, hives, blushing; vascular … high blood pressure, heart irregularities, stroke and heart attack; intestinal … vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, heartburn, appetite change; genital and urinary … frequency, incontinence, impotence, frigidity; muscles … muscle contraction pain, headaches, backaches, jaw clenching, fatigue, twitches; lungs … rapid breathing, dizziness, asthma; endocrine … hormone irregularities, thyroid, obesity, sugar management, menstrual irregularities; accidents.  There is recent evidence suggesting even cancer and infections (immunity) may be associated with our manner of thinking.  Various terms have been used to identify the influence of the mind on the body such as “stress,” “somatization,” and “psychosomatic.”

            Mind/body MRPs are often difficult to recognize and to directly change.  “Treatment” is often directed at the symptom, viz. aspirin for headache, dental work for teeth grinding, self-medication such as alcohol for anxiety, and so on.  The newer manner of thinking, skill development in problem-solving and self-endorsement contained in The Practical Person’s Guide are especially effective means that indirectly resolve mind/body problems by general enhancement of your well-being.
NOTE:  These eight (8) arbitrary labels of our mental response patterns will allow you to better identify your choices and wisely direct them.  As you gain skill, you will begin to see combinations of your mental response choices more so than individual responses.  They are not “either … or”; rather, they are “both … and, a bit of this and some of that.”  One MRP leads to another; they commonly work in combination; see The MRCP, step 2.    

Summary:  Our mental capacity and use of symbols enables us to join fate and circumstance as producer and director of our life’s experience.  We may even become the “managing partner.”  The mental strens or “strengths” proposed in The Practical Persons Guide to Feeling Good and Doing Good will “update” your manner of thinking to better deal with modernity.  Understanding the Mental Response Control Panel is a powerful resource to enhance your well-being.  Increase your problem-solving and self-endorsement skills as you diminish the blaming, avoidance, and other MRPs that no longer serve their original purpose, and may now cause harm.  You can do it!  Although the methods are easy, they require work, patience, and some direction.