LIFE’S WISDOM
        
This stren is a collection of practical assumptions people commonly arrive at through experience and reflection.  To them, I add my own condensed list.

1. All people have problems and I know now that mine are no worse than anybody else’s.
2. I realize I considered my symptoms a sign of weakness.  I realize they aren't.  I don't pay attention to them and they pass.  They aren't such a big deal now.
3. One of the big problems I had was considering myself the center of the universe.  It now isn't so important for me to feel so important.
4. I was so full of guilt I felt I would bust.  When I talked things out, I realized my standards were a lot stricter than those of other people.  As a matter of fact, I would purposely do things to prove I was bad; now I don't have to.
5. The price I would pay for my indulgences was just too high.  So I don't burn the world up! So I don't get as much of a bang out of doing ridiculous things!  The quietness I feel more than compensates for the high life I was leading.
6. Why knock yourself out climbing on top of the heap?  You're nowhere when you get there.  You kill yourself trying.  I was so ambitious and perfectionistic that I had no time for living.  Now I try to find pleasure in little things, and it works.
7. I don't have to blame my parents anymore for my troubles; whatever happened happened.  Why should I let the past poison my present life?   I feel I can live now for what life has to offer me right now.
8. I used to torture myself about the future. Worry about it so much I couldn't enjoy anything.  I knew I was silly, but I couldn't stop.  Now I just don't care.  I do the best I can now and I know the future will happen as it will happen no matter how much I worry about it.  I take things as they come.

*Extracted from the Technique of Psychotherapy, Lewis R. Wolberg

I wish to add several “wisdoms” to the above that I have found useful for myself.  Here are 10 basic ones :

1. Just as I’ve come to accept I am responsible to provide for my physical needs, I am responsible for my mental and emotional well-being. 
2. I work to become and remain my own best friend.  I live with myself far more than all others combined.
3. I best maintain mental and emotional well-being by directing my thinking to what I have attained, what I have now, and what I may yet achieve.  [I create unnecessary upset to the degree that I excessively dwell on what I have lost, what I don't have, what I may never attain.]
4. I have learned and believe that the most common basic ingredient to success, whatever my endeavor, is chronic enthusiasm.
5. Perhaps the most powerful words uttered:  “Forgive them, they know not what they do.”  Resentment and revenge too often result in mutual hurt and escalation of problems, in “lose/lose” outcomes in the short and/or long term.
6. Actions are largely based on values.  Virtually every religion accepts some version of the Golden Rule; it’s a good beginning for a universal value system.  “Do unto others as I would have them do unto me,” or “Love thy neighbor as thyself.”     [What does this say about self-love?   What are your views about self-love?]
7. I work to accept what I can't change, to change what I can.
8. I welcome love from others and know it’s worth working for; I try not to depend on it by regularly providing myself my minimum daily requirement (MDR) of self-endorsement. 
9. Express love as a gift, not as something given to get.
10. I have created faith that what I do can make a difference!  "I can if I think I can." 
    
    I value these additional bits of wisdom:
    
    
11. My interpretation of events is more critical than the event itself.  Maturing to an interpretive creature, I assume major responsibility for my life’s experience.
12. "Know thyself" -- the basic tenet of Socrates, Christ, Freud, and many others.  We both guide, and are guided, by our views.  [Science provides facts; we create belief.  Because religion is the sum total of our assumptions, all people are religious.  Are you familiar with your religion?]
13. My three masters are those physical forces outside me, those physical forces inside me, and the mental forces I create.  Thinking is my source of self-mastery.  [Helpful vocabulary words explained in the glossary: exogenous, endogenous, mentogenous (outside, internal, and mental directions)]
14. The greater control I exercise over my thinking, the greater my will power to influence how I feel and how I act.
15. Freedom is universally cherished.  Mental freedom requires skill in challenging instinct and habit, our nature and nurturers, fate and circumstance.
16. Self-mastery is mental freedom; it is best exercised with wisdom.  The wise expression of self-mastery requires a newer way of thinking (ANWOT).
17. When possible, I substitute descriptivewords for prescriptive words, i.e. substitute “could,” “choose,” “would like,” “prefer” and related responsibility words for “should,” “must,” “ought,” “have to,” and related blaming words.
18. When possible, I substitute “both … and” for “either … or”, i.e. “continuous” words for “dichotomous” words.  Dichotomous (limited to two sides) are “either … or” words such as “right/wrong,” “good/bad,” “us/them,” “black/white.”  Most situations contain both pluses and minuses.
19. I have identified eight mental response choices available to me.  [See The Mental Response Control panel stren.]  I try to regularly apply the most useful one, the “magical” problem-solving response:  “What is most likely to get me what I want, now and in the future?”  With rare exception, this includes an “other” also getting what benefits he, she, they, and/or it.
20. I try to recognize and stop the unhelpful mental responses, the most common being blaming others or myself, avoidance and procrastination.
21. Though less common among the 8 mental response choices, I especially refrain from the most devastating one, the helpless/hopeless response.  I recognize the H/H response shuts down my energy factory.
22. Peace-of-mind requires work, then practice, practice, and more practice!  Though quite attainable, there aren’t many short-cuts.
23. Peace-of-mind and well-being may be created with 5 ingredients: the simple faith that I can make a difference, work, patience, a bit of direction, and risk-taking (i.e. the willingness to challenge instinct and habit).  It does not require unusual intelligence, material wealth, status, “connections,” membership in a specific group, or even good physical health, although given the choice, have them rather than not.  Magic isn’t needed!  
24. Most help is self-help ... often with and through others.
25. “We stand on the shoulders of the giants who preceded us.”  We are what we are because of other people.  They provide wisdom and direction.  I try to recognize my support people and role models, and willingly seek the help and knowledge others have to offer.
26. As our organs are a part of, and essential for proper function of our body, I recognize that each of us, similarly, is an integral part of a larger system.  Contribute to its well-being rather than hurt it.
27. In today’s world, emergency situations are rare.  I try to act rather than react, to manage adversity emphasizing reason more so than instinct.
28. Others have shown effective persons often demonstrate these three qualities:
    1. Accurate empathy: the ability to understand the other’s feelings and convey it
    2. Unconditional positive regard: respect for the person, not necessarily the person’s view(s)
    3. Congruence: consistently being the same recognized person; not warm one day, cold the next.  
29. Good aggression is the direction of our energy to benefit others as well as our self; therefore I seek “win/win” rather than “win/lose” outcomes.
30. I regularly substitute the “reasonable best” measure of my self-worth for the “absolute best” measure many persons use.  “Given my limitations of time, skill, and energy, I endorse myself for doing my reasonable best.  I can do my reasonable best virtually all the time.”  See the Reasonable Best test stren.
31. I know it is human to make mistakes.  By doing my reasonable best to recognize and correct them, I consistently endorse (not beat on) myself.
32. I set ambitious goals and work hard, but accept that I commonly won’t achieve them.
33. To lessen disappointment, I maintain expectations only about what I control (my thinking); I maintain high expectancy, but no expectations about what I don’t control, e.g. how others think and act.  I energetically work to bring out the best in what I don't control.
34. By facing and accepting my limitations, I create an attitude of gratitude, and respect what I have now as precious.  Plato summed up his life’s wisdom in two words – “Practice dying.”
35. Criticism is best offered out of concern, not as a putdown. 
36. I try to welcome critical comments; I know I’m not required to agree with them.  Flattery feels good but I’m more likely to learn from criticism. [Even when the criticism is ill-intended, often I still learn!]
37. Choices are difficult because they involve pluses and/or minuses in each alternative.  When faced with difficult choices, I think more of making my choice right than making the right choice.
38. The attainment of wisdom is a life-long quest.  The thought that I may be a link to share and/or pass on any wisdom to the next generation is itself fulfilling.

What important assumptions are on your list of “life's wisdom?”  How would you add to, subtract from, or modify this list?