How not to make “mistakes”?

Of course we make mistakes.  This stren explains that our basic means of learning is by trial-and-error.  “Mistakes” commonly become a problem because we mislabel them so.  However, there is a better way! … here to be explained.

            When Thomas Edison was asked how he could continue his interest in inventing the light bulb after 5000 failures, his reply was something like this:  “I didn’t have any failures.  I discovered 5000 substances that would not make a light bulb work before I found what did work.”  When a child learns to walk, he/she inevitably falls … too far to the right, too far to the left … many “mistakes” must be made before getting it.  The child doesn’t think of each error as a mistake; rather it is another step towards reaching a goal.  The innate wisdom of the child is to get up and try again, not engage in despair.  It takes considerable training to acquire the skillful self putdowns, blaming, guilting, and related wasted energy too common when we meet the frustration of creativity.  Too often, we become an enemy within by the perspective we view our actions.  Bad thinking leads to blaming others and/or our self, anxiety, avoidance, and even the most devastating of all responses, hopelessness/helplessness, the shutting down of our energy factory.    

            We are quite imperfect human beings.  We would like to think of ourselves as a step below the angels whereas most evidence is that we are perhaps a bit ahead of apes and monkeys.  Instead of maintaining expectancy, we make unrealistic expectations and thereby condemn ourselves and/or others.  Expectancy is setting productive goals and directing energy to their fulfillment.  Expectations are unrealistic prescriptions we put on others or our self.  Expectations set us upon a course of punishment when efforts don’t bring the immediately desired results.  We act wisely when we use our best to do our best.  We act unwisely when we allow the manner we think to become the source of harmful outcomes.  Rather than aim for what is our reasonable best, we demand an absolute best.¹  

            While trial-and-error is the skill-building, problem-solving ability we inherit, we have a far superior method to manage life’s challenges.  We mature physically and mentally during our beginning years, and our nurturers teach us to use symbols, words and concepts, to effectively duplicate the real world in our mind.  This inner reflection of the common reality is called virtual reality.  When we manipulate information in our thinking, we can try many alternatives to determine the wisest means available to us before we commit our self to physical action.  This method is called “no-trial” learning.  Thinking, reasoning, copying or mentally importing from others their corrections of mistakes (acquired wisdom) usually enables us to avoid and/or diminish the negative components of trial-and-error learning.

            We have the capacity to develop our manner of thinking, our “thought control,” to emphasize no-trial learning more so than the trial-and-error learning and blind obedience learning (role-modeling and imitation) that is characteristic of our immature years.  Mental mastery can be very powerful; it is not automatically wise.  “Stinkin thinking,” as one group (AA) describes it, can get us into more difficulty than doing by trial-and-error and/or subjecting our thinking to the will of others.  The new way of thinking advocated in the Guide is designed to strengthen your thought control and wisely use no-trial learning to make our life’s experience a joyful productive one. 

Here are the simple what-to-do steps to manage your thinking when your efforts don’t bring about what you’d like:

1. When possible, re-think of “mistakes” as learning steps rather than failures deserving of putdowns.  Beating on your self or others is rarely productive.  You can use your energy far more wisely.
2. Be prepared to ignore the immediate, what I call “first level,” automatic responses that commonly occur: “Damn,” “Oh shit!,” “ferk it,” “dummy,” “jerk,” “asshole,” “shucks,” “failure,” and other related words.  Do you have a favorite? 
3. If lack of judgment and/or your action resulted in harm to another, consider and/or ask if you can do anything to make things better.
4. Ask your self, “What can I learn from this to be better prepared now and in the future?”
5. Consider who or where can I turn to in order to get help, increase understanding, and/or act with greater wisdom?
6. Acknowledge you are imperfect and accept that often your efforts will not get what you want, especially not immediately.  Learn to intellectually and emotionally² endorse your self for your efforts, always!  With practice, you will do so habitually.  You will make your life far more enjoyable and productive as well.
7. Invest your self in developing a newer way of thinking (ANWOT) and adding wisdom to your thinking. Each stren in this Guide, each stren you find elsewhere, and each stren of your own origin will add a bit more strength to your ability to feel good and do good.

“Good judgment comes from experience.  And where does experience come from?  Experience comes from bad judgment.”                              Mark Twain

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