My “React Button” Fantasy

This stren deals with taking greater control of your self.

          As a result of my observations of people, I have come to imagine that all of us have, coming from our mid-sections, a large button sticking out far in front.  I call this button a “React Button” because someone or some situation may come along, trigger the button, and SNAP!   We regularly automatically react in a characteristic way to the outside event.  I see some of us as being so sensitive and reactive that we have additional React Buttons on our backs, sides, even “all over.”

          The situation goes like this:  There is an unpleasant event or act by an “other.”  Frustration understandably occurs, and the person may not only overreact at the time but also allows the event to get them stuck in self-defeating emotions ... resentment, irritability, self-pity, lethargy, withdrawal, physical symptoms, and so on.  The person’s button is pushed and the person dwells in the “injustice” in such a way that no good comes of it. 

          Most of us allow our React Buttons to be exposed to a number of people and circumstances.  Take a few moments to think of a few situations in which you permit your button to be pushed.  Think about the important people in your life -- family, friends, anyone you’ve worked with or for.  Can you visualize the size and number of their React Buttons?   Kids react buttons are often the most obvious – “No, I won’t buy you that toy.”  They really are dependent!

          In order to take charge of our responses to life’s frustration, we need to develop the adult skill of “pulling in, hand-over-hand,” our React Button(s) and getting our OWN hand on it.  Thus, when an event occurs that would have formerly, automatically triggered the button, instead of reacting, we act.¹  Responding with action involves thinking before following the old pattern or reacting.   It means delaying long enough to ask our self, “What is the long-term consequence I would choose to occur?” or, “What steps on my part are most likely to get me where I wish to go?”  This involves self-control, rather than following some habitual computer-type program.  We may think about and then even choose the same action response as if we had simply reacted without thinking; this would, however, be a conscious, deliberate, likely wiser, choice-among-alternatives rather than a passive turning-over the control of our feelings to another. 

          Please understand that our reactions are automatic first level responses that are usually helpful in emergency situations, such as withdrawing our hand from a hot surface or striking our arm when we feel the mosquito bite.  They are related to our innate “fight or flight” behavior to protect our life and well-being.  However, in today’s relatively civilized world, we rarely face emergency situations.  Fighting or running or their symbolic counterparts of verbally attacking others (or our self) are generally not productive.  Indeed, blaming, resentment, self-putdowns, prolonged worry and anxiety are commonly the life’s discomforts we inflict on our self.  Expect the first level automatic reaction, label it, and then contemplate appropriate action.  At issue is avoiding getting stuck in reaction.

          Example: John worked diligently and effectively helping his employer’s business grow.  He was on track to become vice-president - so he thought.   How frustrated when he was told the owner was bringing in his green and undeserving nephew to be vice president.  Yes, John experienced the hurt of this major setback.  But he didn’t let himself get stuck in any of the multiple negative reactions that would have added to his upset and make himself his own enemy.  Rather he thought through his alternatives - speak with the owner and negotiate some degree of justice, i.e., his best deal, decide to make the best of the situation and consider making a new opportunity in another job, and enthusiastically carry on the many other aspects of his life. 

          We are innately prone to react when someone does what we don’ like or something happens that is unpleasant. Consider this: every time we allow our React Button to be pushed, we are turning our self over to someone or something and allowing the “other” to determine how we feel or what we do.  We are saying, in effect, “Here, you hold my button. You take control of me!”   It’s difficult enough that we do suffer the consequences of the negative event; do we benefit by continuing our day with preoccupation, self-pity, resentment, and the like?  This is like going to the market, buying something, paying for it, and then ... going back and paying for it again and again!  Is this what we really desire?  Yet, my observation is that we do this frequently without even thinking about it.

          Freedom, which we highly prize and strive for is the opportunity to choose among alternatives.  To the degree your React Button is sticking out, you will be the slave to whomever or whatever pushes it.  Think about that! 

          I have been pleased to observe many individuals who, with simple awareness of this fantasy and a bit of practical application, dramatically increase their self-control.  They gradually learn to ACT instead of REACT and delightedly find that their fate is no longer so dependent on other people or on life events over which they have no control.

          Read this “React Button” fantasy and it won’t help you.  But if you read it regularly in an attempt to understand it, and then practice applying it day-by-day, it’ll do wonders!  You have just received a PEARL!  Know it!  Use it! You’ll enjoy it!

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This stren compliments the previous one: Blaming Mental Response Pattern (MRP), the most common of the eight choices available to us.